Today yesterday came & slapped me in the face
And told me to quit being so naive
With every passing heart beat comes the possibility of pain
No matter how we try we always seem to slip away
From yesterday today seemed so far away
We had so much time to lose ourselves in becoming another version of the same person
While we lost ourselves in the many days

Yesterday loved me
Today hates me
Yesterday missed me
Today wants to forget about me
Today yesterday loves to hate me and she never misses a chance to remind me
Yesterday I kept all my thoughts next to my heart's beat box
Filled with feelings that were fueled by the fire inside of me
Before the world came & made me colder
I swear I saw it coming
But I thought I had more time
Now I can't change yesterday
But yesterday's changed me from the inside out

Yesterday I had nothing to say and today I'm all out of words
The only difference is that yesterday never got the chance to hear what I had to say today
And for that I am sorry
Now I only hope that tomorrow comes and takes away all the pain of yesterday

Looking back on poems like "Never More", I begin to wonder if I was trying to express myself or if someone else was speaking through me. The more I read this piece again, the less I feel that it reflects me. Thinking back I remember that I was writing from the perspective of someone that was feeling rejected, but it wasn't me though. Were future pains leaking out through my pen that very day? Was I writing about the way I wanted someone to feel?

 

I wrote this back in December 2006 and yet it seems as though it was being written now by someone very dear.

I guess that's the way that rejection works, no matter how long ago you were rejected, when you think about it, it feels like its happening all over again. So the pain never goes away, it may hurt less and less as time washes away the wounds, but it's never truly gone.

People that only think of themselves are not capable of writing from another person's perspective because they cannot see past their own views. But then again, how would I know? How could I know?

 

Sometimes you can't let yourself go even though you feel the end.
I'm not even sure what that really means, but I can feel those words nonetheless.

I can feel a wave of feelings rushing towards me and yet I can't do a thing about it, so I stand waiting for it to hit me.

I know that I could and probably should move out of the way, but I am not.

Like the idiot that I am I feel myself grinning in the face of such a heavy weight.

I don't know about tomorrow. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.

 

- Kazuya Hirabayashi aka "Koyuki" from BECK

 

Me, I don't mind being alone, but I certainly don't mind your company
I don't need to be in charge, you can take the lead
I will follow you if you want me
To be there when you stop to take a breath
If you'll let me be who I am
You will get to know me inside out
Without a doubt I want you to stick around
There's no need to play around

I'll see you around whenever I think of you
Right in front of me or by my side
Showing me how to be the person you could, would and should love
It's automatic the way I let down my guard when you're around
I don't know about you. but I'd sure love to write your name into the pages of my heart
Cus your name makes me smile the more I say it
You're so addictive you make drugs seem easy to get over

This isn't ego talking
But you can go whenever you want to, I won't hold you back
But I've gotta let you know that I like the way you hold it down
So I'll definately keep you around
As long as you want to be around me

Words to live by
Things to try
A life worth living for is something I’d like
Been so close to this feeling of something new
But it keeps evading me as I find my way
Take me there
Hold me down, but don’t hold me back
Cus I won’t stick around for that
Give me a chance to breathe you in
Let me savor you as I slowly take all of you in
It may sound selfish but there’s just no other way to be

Inspiration come over me yet again
Take me in, humble me with your touch
Keep me going when my journey has brought me to my knees
There no question about it
Some things are meant to be while other only try to be
But just once I’d like to see what its like to be sure

We come together today to separate today from yesterday and any other day like it
When it comes to you
I can’t wait to see another day
Where my shades of grey have been washed away by your smile
When I’m scared of the day faced before me
I feel better knowing that tomorrow’s always a better day (with you there)

The purpose isn’t as important as the intent. I am but one person under the influence of many feelings, experiences and questioned actions, and so I’m left to wonder what have I left to lose? What have I to gain or reclaim?

 I can not live solely for myself or my causes. As soon as someone walks into my life and impacts my private world, I no longer am living just for myself but now also for them. Family is an example of this; when you are but one person, you live for yourself until you meet someone. That person grows on you and your feelings for them grow and you find yourself wanting to live to be with them and them for you. Now lets say that you have a child with this love of your life, now you not only live for yourself, but for your love and your child. In carrying on with the weight of someone else’s feelings, what was once routine now becomes something more as others are introduced into your life and being. That’s what I think anyway.

Yearning, learning and turning: The Story of Our Love Lives
You want it, you need it, you get it and then you lose what you thought you couldn’t do without. Sound familiar? We all do it, we want something so bad that it doesn’t even live up to what we wanted because we imagined and fantasized that person to be something that even they couldn’t be and so we feel let down. Let down your expectations of people and try to see them as they are without all the glitz and glam of your crush on them.
I know it’s harder than it seems. Hell I’ve done it time and time again, so believe me I know. I’m not saying to get over your crush; I’m just saying not to erect a statue or shrine of them in your mind.

Follow The Leader (Look Straight Ahead)
We’ve all got one life to lead, but it often seems that we are the ones being lead by something else. Whatever it is that drives us is pure in its intention, it knows not of others feelings, the situation at hand or the possible ramifications; it just wants to run its course. The purity of such focused energy doesn’t have to be bad. Sometimes that unwavering drive helps us to push through all the doubts, insecurities, hesitance and obstacles that would dissuade us from expressing our truest intentions.