Looking back on poems like "Never More", I begin to wonder if I was trying to express myself or if someone else was speaking through me. The more I read this piece again, the less I feel that it reflects me. Thinking back I remember that I was writing from the perspective of someone that was feeling rejected, but it wasn't me though. Were future pains leaking out through my pen that very day? Was I writing about the way I wanted someone to feel?

 

I wrote this back in December 2006 and yet it seems as though it was being written now by someone very dear.

I guess that's the way that rejection works, no matter how long ago you were rejected, when you think about it, it feels like its happening all over again. So the pain never goes away, it may hurt less and less as time washes away the wounds, but it's never truly gone.

People that only think of themselves are not capable of writing from another person's perspective because they cannot see past their own views. But then again, how would I know? How could I know?

 

Sometimes you can't let yourself go even though you feel the end.
I'm not even sure what that really means, but I can feel those words nonetheless.

I can feel a wave of feelings rushing towards me and yet I can't do a thing about it, so I stand waiting for it to hit me.

I know that I could and probably should move out of the way, but I am not.

Like the idiot that I am I feel myself grinning in the face of such a heavy weight.

I don't know about tomorrow. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.

 

- Kazuya Hirabayashi aka "Koyuki" from BECK

 

The purpose isn’t as important as the intent. I am but one person under the influence of many feelings, experiences and questioned actions, and so I’m left to wonder what have I left to lose? What have I to gain or reclaim?

 I can not live solely for myself or my causes. As soon as someone walks into my life and impacts my private world, I no longer am living just for myself but now also for them. Family is an example of this; when you are but one person, you live for yourself until you meet someone. That person grows on you and your feelings for them grow and you find yourself wanting to live to be with them and them for you. Now lets say that you have a child with this love of your life, now you not only live for yourself, but for your love and your child. In carrying on with the weight of someone else’s feelings, what was once routine now becomes something more as others are introduced into your life and being. That’s what I think anyway.

Yearning, learning and turning: The Story of Our Love Lives
You want it, you need it, you get it and then you lose what you thought you couldn’t do without. Sound familiar? We all do it, we want something so bad that it doesn’t even live up to what we wanted because we imagined and fantasized that person to be something that even they couldn’t be and so we feel let down. Let down your expectations of people and try to see them as they are without all the glitz and glam of your crush on them.
I know it’s harder than it seems. Hell I’ve done it time and time again, so believe me I know. I’m not saying to get over your crush; I’m just saying not to erect a statue or shrine of them in your mind.

Follow The Leader (Look Straight Ahead)
We’ve all got one life to lead, but it often seems that we are the ones being lead by something else. Whatever it is that drives us is pure in its intention, it knows not of others feelings, the situation at hand or the possible ramifications; it just wants to run its course. The purity of such focused energy doesn’t have to be bad. Sometimes that unwavering drive helps us to push through all the doubts, insecurities, hesitance and obstacles that would dissuade us from expressing our truest intentions.

Some people hate looking back at their memories.
It reminds them of who they were.
I look back on those things because I don't ever want to forget who I was.
I don't want to look forward to the future so much, that I lose that person that I was only a moment ago.

 

Something to dwell on.

It's not much and yet it means so much coming from me.

If only I knew how to control the flow of such thoughts and rants.
Well it wasn't really a rant, since it was so short.

 

 

Wow, I haven't posted anything on my blod in almost 2 months!

I was swamped with projects and presentations throughout August and I was creatively constipated after finishing my course.

Honestly it took about 2 weeks for my creative juices to start flowing again.

But yeah, I'm back with more artwork, rants and yes poetry.

I also have more comic book updates, music reviews and Smallville info.

I will be posting stuff weekly again since I now have the time and energy to do so.

 

It's good to be back.

I am currently at my internship, I'm on a short break.
I've been busy (as usual) working on capturing and cutting the footage we've shot for this NOW Magazine film.

We have some great footage!

 

During the weekend past I saw Superman Returns, it was very good, but it didn't blow me away.

On Monday I went to a Canada Day festival on Habourfront with my mom since her choir was performing.

After they were done singing my mom and I spent the day watching shows and eating different foods and walking around. I showed her around the area since I hang around the harbourfront. We ended the day with a boat ride around Centre Island and I bought her some Ice Cream.

 

So I have 1 week left with my internship , "alas all good things must come to an end."

I'm sure lots of people aren't up to date with Spidey's recent changes such as:

- He joins the New Avengers
- Having an uncurable diease

- His death and rebirth

- Awakening of his latent spider powers

- His new "Iron Spider" Costume (Thanks to Iron Man???)

 

So Here is a crash course in Spider-Man 2.0:

 

Spidey dies and is reborn with new powers.

"The Other" info - http://nosheep.net/story/spider-man-the-other/

 

#529 - Peter gets a new Costume from Iron Man with a few enhancements and he becomes Iron Man's protege.
#530 - Receives version 2.0 of his costume, which is nothing compared to Iron Man's 49 versions of his costume!!

 

Iron Spider Costume - http://nosheep.net/story/iron-spidey-more-on-the-new-outfit

 

 

Here is an article that I forgot to post last week about the new Batwoman.
As you should know by now Batman has always been one DC Comic's definative characters, with his finely honed skills, mind and body dedicated to the pursuit of justice as the Dark Knight over Gotham City.

 

Batman has had sidekicks such as Robin (about 5 Robins), Batgirl (2 Batgirls) and Batwoman has appeared in the Batman Mythos a few times in the 50's/60's aqnd she was in a Batman animated movie 2 years ago.
But now she is back in the comic book world in a big way.
She is still the same person she was back in the early days, same name, background and connection with Bruce Wayne, but she is now a lesbian.

Here are a few articles:

BBC News - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/5030518.stm 

 

DC Comics - http://dccomics.com/news/?nw=5866

                    http://dccomics.com/news/?nw=5863

 

Out.com -     http://www.out.com/detail.asp?id=18499

 

I am so engrossed in Marvel Civil War right now.
It is turning the Marvel universe upside down since these events are supposed to be permanent and effect the Marvel universe and all its heroes from now on, there's no turning back.  

I currently have:
Front Line #1

 

Apparantly Spidey revealing his identity is the biggest shock in COMIC BOOK HISTORY, so much so that is still making waves across the news in all its forms (Newpapers, sites, tv reports, radio, etc.)

 

Here is a link to an article about Spidey's decision:

BBC News - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/5084326.stm

 

No Sheep - http://nosheep.net/story/spider-man-identity-revealed/

 

I'm going to post more info and articles as this mini-series continues.
I can't put all the articles and images I have right now since I am tired and since certain things would just spoil it for people. 

 

Civil War Info:

Road to Civil War - http://nosheep.net/story/road-to-civil-war/

 

Civil War Trailers - http://www.marvel.com/news/-1.380

These past few weeks have been quite hectic with my internship.
Myself and my boy James who is another intern have been working on a site/graphics for a sketch comedy dvd while juggling other projects and school work.
This week we are helping our company film a mockumentary film for NOW Magazine!
It has been awesome, sure there have been early mornings and late nights, but it's worth it.

James and I even got to show our skills on camera while doing performing as "Eklispe N' Sunshine", a rap duo during a photo shoot and commercial in the film. We totally improvised our rhymes over some of James' wicked beats, it was hilarious some of the stuff we came up with, it was mad funny.
For the rest of the week we will be shooting at NOW Magazine's HQ, it's a pretty cool place.

Well I've got to get some rest, I've got a 9am call time for tomorrow.

  

The last few days have been interesting, to say the least.
I've been going back and forth with my internship and special project trying to get schedules sorted out.
Everything is sorted out as far as my internship is concerned.

The last few days my mind has been stuck in the gutter, but it seemed to have its advantages.
One thing is for sure, I have been quite confident for the past few days, but that confidence along with any other side effects that came with being stuck in the gutter seemed to have worn off; so I'm back to normal.

But during the time I was dirty minded I found time to talk with a certain friend of mine and see what makes her tick. It was most entertaining, I'm sure she'd agree that we both put on a good show for each other.
You know me, I'm just trying to have some crazy fun and a few good laughs.

I was supposed to meet my friend today if I was able to get away from work early enough,
but that didn't happen. By the time I left work it was after 6pm and I got to the library after 6:30pm and it seems as though I misssed her. I would have called her, but I had no change on me since I gave it to a friend that was short on fare. Its funny how things work out like that sometimes, oh well what can you do, right?

 

Well I've got some calls to make and a few documents to write, so I better get started.

What I've been listening to for the past week or two:

Grey Album - Jay Z & Beatles, Mixed by Danger Mouse
(Oldie but a goodie, can't resist the mixing an mashing of the Beatles "White Album + Jay's "Black Album",
its a thing of beauty)

 

X & Y - Coldplay
(I finally decided to get a copy of the cd)

In the Sun EP - Michael Stipe
(Good stuff)

Yoyoyo - Spank Rock
(Dirty club rocking, beat knocking rap)

What's Left of Me - Nick Lachey
(Good songs, great vocals, but a bit whiny, but still I like his honesty and vulnerability)

Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Anger
(Alright pop/rock album from an ex-member of O-town)

Raydiation - Ray J
(I have to get this cd, I'm loving the remixes that I got a hold of!)

 

Surprise hit:
Paul Oakenfold ft. Brittany Murphy - Faster Kill Pussycat
(Addictive dance hit, I've gotta get the hop hop version! Yes this is Brittany "Clueless" Murphy, the actress,
 I like what I hear. She was in a band back in like '92 I think, but her vocals are pretty sexy and confident.)

So much for my interview, I had to cancel it because of this surprise TTC strike.

So I'm going to work on some music/graphics and see what comes out of it.
For some reason I can't get this song called "What If" by Coldplay out of my head, its a moody and honest song.

Today I received 3 more offers from employers, so I'll have a few more interviews in the coming days.
I know for sure that I don't want to work with one of the companies and I'll be turning down another company's offer. Either way things are going good in regards to internship placements.

I should be excited by the fact that I've received some more offers, but I'm not.
I guess in all my excitement I forgot to get excited,
actually it's more like my excitement has been over-shadowed by other feelings. 

 

I just remembered something one of the comedians I watched said lastnight,

"Humans are stupid, we're the only race that restricts ourselves by time,
'Oh I can't feel good right now, right now I should be feeling bad, I'll feel better around 9pm,
until then I'll just be a bitch.' '"

He had a few more insightful jokes about how people are so schedule-whipped that they can't do anything without looking at their watch or they can only do certain things on certain days.

"I can't have too much fun today, I've gotta save my fun and time for tomorrow night!"

I have to say that I found his jokes to be "very educational", as Kintaro Oe would say.

After I took care of some stuff at school I stopped by the library to do some reading/studying.
I think I might go for a swim in an hour and just drown my mind in chlorine and just give into my instincts.

Instincts........hmm....I haven't used those in a while......anyways.

If I'm not online for a while, you can find me at the bottom of the pool searching for buhdda or something.

Have a good day, you deserve it no matter what anyone says, just remember that.

See you at the bottom of the pool babies.

 

Who feels like public enemy #1!!?

*Raises hand*
Oh crap, I guess I'm the only one......not surprising though.

 

I believe Britney said it best, "Oops I did it again..."

 

 

Tell me, what's your definition of a jerk?

 

What's your definition of a friend?

 

 

 I had to show my portfolio site to a couple of possible employers.
I got a few business cards, 6 employers talked with me and I ended up with 5 cards, so thats not bad.
The guys and I chilled afterwards and took some pictures and talked with the girls.

Thursday

I started sending out a few thank you letters to some of the employers that talked with me.
I continued working on my site.

Friday

I re-worked my resume and cover letter and sent them out to a few companies.
One of the companies responded to my email within an hour and I have an interview tomorrow (SWEET!!).

One of the employers I messaged got back to me and said they were considering me.
The guys and I were looking at each others sites again and we threw out a few ideas and suggestions to help each other out. At the end of the day I went home, but I took my sweet time.
When I finally did get home my internet connection wouldn't work, it was dead.

My connection came back, but not before I fixed my firewall settings and cleaned my registry.

I continued working on the extra elements within my site (videos, splash page) and started uploading some of my changes. I had the house to myself all day, which was nice, I had time to think and sleep and work and play.

Sunday

Mom came back from Ottawa around 4am so I helped her unpack.
We didn't go to church, we just stayed in and a friend of hers came to visit.
We had dinner and watched my sister's wedding video, the editing is crap (makes me wish I had edited it), either way I just copied it for her.

 

Mom and I decided to go to the movies and see Mission Impossible 3 and RV, we had a good time.
Her friend tagged along and she enjoyed herself.
(11pm)
Now, I'm back home, I'm going to do a few last minute changes the the site, fix any broken links and print out more copies of my resume and publish a re-edited version of my film "Running Out".

I'm reading a friend's blog and I can't stop laughing at her lil story.
SHE GOT GRINDED ON AT THE CLUB, actually it was more like dance attacked since she got sandwiched.

What did you expect to happen at a club?
I could have told her that that would happen to her.

Uh, I'll see what I can do about that "bum massage" (You know what I'm talking about *cough*)

I'm glad you had fun, now you know what goes on at the club.

And I'm sure that you were looking good girl. *wink wink*

 

Here is the link to my site:

 

 

Break beats colliding with the voice of schizo choirs
Drum beats knocking and rocking every nerve of my ever so fragile body
Mind over matter over acid music that won't rest
You don't get it, do you?
I'm talking about the psycho rantings of a genius on the verge of losing his mind
Losing, finding, its all a difference of opinion
Fluke flutes pushing out sounds that they can't even begin to understand
Guitar strings being plucked in ways they were never meant to be pulled
Pulled by the ear by something entirely out of this world
Transforming club anthems into psychotic episodes of untamable chaos
Man is it beautiful
This freedom, this wildness, this soulful, genreless mix and mash of music
Elsewhere I'm sure a saint is turning in their grave after hearing this
Screams are no longer silent, they are crazy go-go gadget gospels of epic proportions
Hahaha, this place of musical insanity is getting to me in the best way possible

 

When was the last time you danced?
This is something that this generation can't afford to miss out on.
This is great, just check out St. Elsewhere, you'll be better for it.