The Wandering Mind

Written: August 13, 2009
Edited: September 13, 2009
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I have not seen same thing twice
In this life once is more than some will ever get
My intentions rarely change I know what I'll do each time I get the chance
Your affections I've embraced without the slightest touch
My recollection of our time is picture perfect
Echoes build within the walls of my body
I want to tell you something meaningful, I want to show you something real
If I let you in on this little secret, will we ever be the same?
If I hold you tighter, will we ever love the same?
Will we ever know what and why caused us to follow our emotions through to the very end?
Did I imagine half of it, your kiss following your extended embrace?
Maybe the secret is already out, we were just the last to know
Goodbye friend, hello love
Tonight something happened here

Written: July 20, 2009
Edited: July 20, 2009

I have a lot to learn, but thankfully I have a lot more to be thankful for, so hopefully that tips the balance of things in my favor.
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To the life encased in the safety of blissful ignorance, I pray that you will know better someday
To the all knowing "been there, done that" international globe trotter, I hope that you'll get lost in something unfamiliar
And for the fallen, I know that you'll rise again to push at the invisible walls that dare to limit the limitless

To the few that are truly content,
I'll laugh with you in hopes that your infectious peace will break into me in ways that robbers never could
Could I be like you?
To the friends who have become family and my family that has befriended me continually, I need you to know who I am
With you I have a chance to be a better version of myself, a chance to actually live my life
I've lived through your hopes and dreams and I can only hope that I'll have some worthy of your company during my journey
To the forgotten, I've known your face all along, but your name became a mystery to me that I'm still trying to solve
To the past, present and future incarnations of my life, I have nothing to say except try
Someday I'll know where I've been and hopefully I'll have covered enough ground to recognize every inch of the world I've walked endlessly internally and I won't be scared of what I've found
And to you the reader who so vigilantly searches for a shred of truth and inspiration,
I hope that I've served you well and have given you something that you can make use of
Thank you and goodnight

Written: July 5, 2009
Edited: July19, 2009
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Under the ever clear gaze that holds on to me
Now I see that you are never going to let go of me
You said no all those times when yes was the answer, not because it's the right one, but because it would have been yours
Just once that one word could have ended it all by beginning our life together
But no decision cuts more than the one you didn't make
This is the other side of your decisions
I've tried to be there for you, but you keep pushing it
Don't sleep on it, don't even think about it, the second you do I'll be the one for you

I've paid for listening to myself and I'd pay to have somebody listen to me
You either want or wait, but the moment you let those two chemicals mix you are in for trouble
I wanted to love you and it's a shame that I didn't take that chance whole heartedly
It's funny that I can be so fearless and certain of a future in you before you even knew my place in your heart
And yet seconds after you admitted the pain I've caused by distancing myself from you and your uncertainty that wanted to be certain in me,
I realized that you did love me
But your love, like your pain went unsaid all the while I was listening for something
that could only have been seen in your person
Is it wrong to think that such persistence in wanting to experience your love
through the tremblings in your voice could remedy this impatience of mine?
I always wanted you, but I needed you to want me right then and there with such immediacy and urgency, that was selfish I know now

I was a warrior and these words were once my war worth fighting
I know that the strength of the human heart relies not solely on the blood that pumps through each vital organ,
but also the intentions and convictions that rush through every time the thought of having someone all your own hits you
So I swung, I missed and somewhere along the way I got tired of trying to prove my case
At some point not knowing where I was with you led me to forget who I was with you
To have suffered such amnesia is frightening
Suddenly triumph and tragedy mix so easily like the coke and rum in my glass
The other side isn't always so easy to see when you're intoxicated with what you'd like to see
This is the other side of my decisions
No line blurs more than the ones you've forgotten

Written: July 14, 2009
Edited: July 19, 2009
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Every day is someone's first and surely someone's last
How does a mother breathe again after her child stops?
How does a father feel after his hero falls?
If today was my first what would I take from it?
And if today was my last, what would you choose to remember?
I can not run away from my weakness
Somewhere deep, past the dark that we've all grown used to there is a light
Such brilliance comes in the quiet moments that only the soul knows how to translate
Into words, touches and stares is where our persistence to fight transfers
It's too quiet to burn, too loud to scream and too much to hold back

Did someone live a life worthy of dying for?
My experiences colored my world from birth to death and whatever was in between
To view this life in reverse one first has to play through it
No instruction is clearer than the ones we've missed along the way
Don't go, speak up, look out; These are the things everyone talks about after the fact
Today carries the kind of quiet that I've rarely had the pleasure of knowing
When you look at today as the past, will it be days away or lifetimes apart from your heart?
I know now what I had no way of knowing then
There is no time for you like the present
Although we forget, we should still remember the enormity of the little things that touch us